Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
