HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
