what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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