my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
