It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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