Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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