your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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