Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
