I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
