he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
