Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
