Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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