Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
