He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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