If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
