my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
