I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
