Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
