Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
