I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
