You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
