here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize