making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
