i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
