i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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