Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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