How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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