i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
