cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
