you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
