I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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