...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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