on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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