Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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