The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
