i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
