I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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