I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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