Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
