Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
