i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
