I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
