I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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