she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
