I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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