I love black thongs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
