the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
