you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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