Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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