Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
