dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
