I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
