Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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