I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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