K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
