he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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