what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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