she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
