When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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