Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
