shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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