is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
