if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
