got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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